The Immaculate Conception

The Immaculate Conception
by Joseph Schupbach


[Four actors go through motions of Vogue dance* looped while speaking]

I love Madonna. And not because I am gay. I went out dancing, yes at a gay bar. And Madonna herself came on over the speakers.  I screamed and dove into the associated dance, half singing half lip syncing.  A middle aged white woman was dancing with her husband-boyfriend-partner nearby.  Her gold jewelry sparkled every time she shook a bangle or an earring was caught by disco ball light.  She and I made eye contact and she danced towards me.  She yelled over the music “HOW DO YOU KNOW ALL THE WORDS?”  And I shouted back “I THINK THAT IT IS SOMETHING THAT HAPPENED IN UTERO!”  She laughed heartily and returned to her husband and gen-x daughter.  Suddenly my mind jerked, I wondered if she thought that I was making a joke about my sexual orientation.  Did she think that “something in utero” referred to a gay gene, or some hormonal imbalance, or exposure to chemicals in my mother’s cosmetics, or diet coke, or red 40?  I meant that my mom listened to a lot of Madonna definitely while she was carrying me and certainly after I was born.  The day Madonna’s first album was released my mother was exactly two months pregnant with me.  Here I am, having only cooked for two months inside my mother, I’ve only recently received some hair and some facial features.  And I have just started to be capable of motion.

[Lead joins in on motions]

The day I can move is the same day the queen of pop drops her first album.   After eight weeks, uncontrolled twitches and movements occur.  Or maybe I wanted to sing and dance along so bad my little fetus didn’t know what to do.  Maybe I didn’t have a choice whether or not to love her.  By the time I was born, seven months later, the world was already fascinated by her. Years later my mom and I went to see her in concert, right after my college graduation.  Her toned arms and taught thighs whipped around poles and mechanical bulls.  Her voice perfectly duplicated each derivation of her musical evolution and this immediately transported me back to my earliest memories.

[Lead stops motions, actors continue]

I don’t love Madonna because I am gay; I love her because she is fabulous.

Actors: vogue vogue vogue vogue [fingers face fingers face]



R palm out to audience
L palm out to audience
R hand on L shoulder
L hand on R shoulder
R fingers to sky
L fingers to sky
RL hands on opposite ear overhead
RL out to sides in “T”
R scoop behind head & L scoop behind back
RL out to sides in “T”
R scoop behind back & L scoop behind head
RL out to sides in “T”
RL fingers in “L” framing face on L&R
RL palms framing face on top and bottom
RL fingers in “L” framing face on L&R
RL palms framing face in alternate positions


2 Responses to “The Immaculate Conception”
  1. Susan Aptaker says:

    I love this writer!

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